Batavus n Laserblast

Just chilling out watching a movie inside of a sort of movie that contains scenes from the movie within the movie itself. It does.

"When a movie starts showing you parts of itself you know you are in trouble."

-Mike Nelson of MST3K, regarding Laserblast.

And a Batavus VA50 moped.

I will spin your head off so fast it will collect its own atmosphere... with gravity!

Now lets once again travel back in time in this long, colorful transformation of my 1978 Columbia Commuter. This bike has had at least 8 owners that I know of, 4 of whom were previously in the MF, and one special one whom was a crackhead. He stole it and had possession for a year before it was recovered. It was kind of him to paint it poorly with house paint, put wood screws all over, and removed the sidecovers and rear rack and fender. He was last the last owner before me.

At one point it donned a set off bullhorns over the head light, with fur scattered about the frame. Then just a uni-horn, and now, only scraps of fur have survived. I hauled ass on this bike the entire Trick or Treat, Creature rally in 2006 with an Athena 70cc piston port kit. I loaned it to Motion Left member Topher who proceeded to put a hard 200 bunnyhopping miles on this bike at Flock Yeah 1 i nLA. It has been a loaner to more people than I can count.

It has had a hard life indeed. Yet I have officially cleaned the carb once, it ALWAYS starts, is sometimes really scary to ride, and been crashed multiple times. I deduce this bike has been painted approximately 10 times, always while completely assembled. The Columbia is unstoppable. See for yourself.

Here is it as of last night.

SPECS:
Magnum forks

long rear struts

14" Puch Dart rear wheel

stock cylinder/carb/whatever

Gianelli exhaust

=

31mph of awesome tall

For some reason some one really wanted to name it Gador Dog. I think it was Bradley Johnsen.

Safety Orange was a good look.

"This is and racing stripe!"

Here is the oldest photo of the bike, from Blood Drive 1, 2003, long before I owned it. (The red one being ridden on the left.) So sad, it was nice once...

And just for reference, this is what it originally started as:

I am inventing a tv show like that other show but this one is better and has mopeds and is my new original idea completely

The ultimate fall of the man who spends more time cleaning his mopeds than riding occured this weekend that happened to be the memorial ride for someone else completely who is neither yet a complete specter nor an absolute embodied fact held down by laws of gravity, just way too much moonshine.

To go on, the catastrophy of the man involved a very spirited Morton Medallion and the worlds former largest man made island that may or may not be the very island from LOST remodeled because strange shit happens in this strange deserted place which reveals sign of past human occupation, also perhaps an odd fisherman who says nothing, nor recognizes the indecent in any way when you crash directly next to him, and you happened to have simultaneously just lost with an incomplete default in the racing of the ZigZag Time Trials Race in this anomaly site known to us as Public Access space Terminal 18 with the result being a perfect replica body cast embedded in the shrubbery for future generations to view:

Then later when the sun was hidden low down behind the horizon and darkness spread across the land, this vile thing came from somewhere that involved lotsa pies to drink the beery life milk from this here there teet:

Too pretty too ride.

A hundred thousand years ago in 2006 I built a 1977 Foxi GT Sport. As the myth goes, it has only been ridden once ever, otherwise being preserved in a sealed, temperature controlled vault, deep inside a bomb shelter, deep inside a mountain, on the moon of a planet with many moons that you've never even heard of anyway. Which is all very very true. Anyway I went and got it and rode it again last night.

The Build:

-Stock unported Sachs 504 engine

-Stock unported Sachs cylinder

-Stock Sachs Bing carburator (minus the jet)

-Hacked Tomos Bullet Pipe

-Crazy wheels

-Lotsa expensive paint

=

36mph Foxi

Behold the photo history below:

Here it is last night in the dark:

Here it is in Arizona at the Tom Cruiser's Sausagefest, 2006:

Here is near its date of reveal at our very own Blood Drive 4, 2006:

Here it is in a previous life at Blood Drive 2, 2004:

Here is me in a previous life eating a large piece of beef jerky wearing my official Foxi and United Mopeds brand jacket. Though you can't read it, the Foxi patch reads "Let's Get Foxi!"

Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking lay it out, in song

I am awesome

F.L.E.E.T.

This is a picture of approximately 3/4 of the Mosquito Fleet, Moped Army, Seattle, Washington. September 2009.

FILTHY GIRL

About 10 months has passed since the resurerection and transformasturbation of my minimagnumb into the almighty F.L.E.E.T.T.R.E.A.T.S. EDITION LIMITED MINIMAGNUMBLUE LTD EDITION. Ol' Bluey has held it up surprisingly well, requiring very minimal work and/or maintenance. Even most recently covering a 120 mile journey on a bone white hot plug, so hot actually that it performed reverse alchemy, or perhaps a more simple colorization due to heat, and turned the gold external spark plug metal to blue! But nary a seize at full power ahead, just a little sniffle in the hill climbing department, fortunately I managed to top those ass well. I give unwarranted partial credit to A.D.D. Motorworks's owner and proprietor Sir Bradley John Johnsen with and 'E's couple of dremely minutes spent on my wicked fast 50cc TCCD kit, which is proven apparently now indestructible. Beyond my undeniable and impeccable mechanical skillz, I have made quite a many full rotations of my wheels counting out to thousands of hard miles on hard ground, and some not so hard ground, with yet to wash off the grit, grease, grime, blood, and mud since its date of reveal 11-08-08. This photo really doesnt do a good job of showing how filthy it is, but it does do a good job of being a photo of my lovely little motorbike.

ANSWEREWOLVES part 1

ANSWEREWOLVES: How can you help?

Help these asian kids get out of these BLUED UP murder traps!!!