Mankind VS Inclement Weather or: A Little Rain Has Never Killed Anyone (A Lot of Rain Has Killed So Very Many)

I have been riding mopeds in the Great Pacific Northwest for over 8 years, and during that time I have become accustomed to it raining on occasion. And during that time I have also developed and perfected the ability to have full IMMUNITY from rain. The power to ride my moped in the thickest, most dismal downpour and remain 100% DRY! "How do you do it," you ask? "What magick do you possess that allows this," you ponder aloud? "Why am I inferior in so many ways," you sobbingly cry into your pillow every single night of your miserable existence? Well, my pathetic friends, let me tell you. Soon I will tell you what you too can do to make yourself IMPENETRABLE to the rain gods.

But FIRST! You must familiarize yourself with these multitudes of RAIN GODS that we BATTLE day in and day out! There are so damn many of them I can't say which one is the best. That is up to YOU to decide. And don't even try denying their existences you sun worshiping pagans! The proof is in the puddles.

So, before we proceed, take a minute to meet just a few of the deities known specifically for creating rain, that have fucked with you your whole life and made you wet on so many moist occasions:

Tlaloc, Dzahui, Huya, Chaac, Wuluwaid, Achuhucanac, Tonenili, Zennyo Ryūō, Kui, Attar

Which one is your favorite? Which one is your least favorite? Which one do you think is the most powerful? What was the name of Tlaloc's first wife? Which god did the Yucatec Mayan's worship? What is the literal translation of the Navajo god Tonenili? In what year was Zennyo Ryūō made to appear during a famous rainmaking contest at the Kyoto Imperial Palace? Which rain god had child sacrifices made to it?

(Please place your answers in the 'comments' aka 'racing clicks' section found at the bottom of this post.)


Let us continue... the BEST defense one can take against these bastard gods is: RAINGEAR! A good waterproof jacket, some waterproof pants, waterproof shoes, waterproof gloves, and a full face helmet is the perfect armor to defend yourself from the h20 molecular weapon these various supernatural immortal beings piss down upon us. The key adjective here being WATERPROOF.

wa·ter·proof   
[waw-ter-proof]
–adjective
1. impervious to water.

Once one has sealed up their fleshy, absorbent skin with a good set of rain gear, one will find that the powerful precipitating pricks can no longer alter your attitude or hinder your ability to enjoy a wonderful day, evening, or night! The mysterious and magick powers of WATERPROOF overcomes ones' body, protecting it from the watery ones, and rendering them powerless! So go forth and invest in rain gear, and come ride with me!

Nothing can stop us now!

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Come back next week for:
Homo Sapiens VS The Grated Bridge or: How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Thrill.