ALL BLUED UP

Going Strong.

2012-01-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

It's winter. It's getting really cold. I have ridden every day to work since last February.

Here's to hoping the forecast for next week is wrong, and it doesn't snow at all. And if it does, that it's not enough to ruin the streets. I don't wanna ruin my riding streak.

STFU AND LISTEN

2011-12-08T22:27:00.000-08:00

we made these 12 tracks of awesome last year. play it for your dearest family.

A Merry Fucking M.F. Christmas by Mosquito Fleet Acapolka Muzak Makers

140 Trillion times 1

2011-12-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

That liquid blue is out there...

"The official NASA news release describes the amount of water as “140 trillion times all the water in the world’s oceans..."

Official NASA report

The Ritual of LXVII. And a mighty STING

2011-11-02T19:06:00.001-07:00

There is a magickal art to moped maintenance that every Wizard must continually practice, yet there is no ultimate level of achievement. There is only the practice of the art.

---

The first operation of ritual moped repair is the preparation of the shop.
There are two forces; that of Death of a broken moped and that of Natural Life powered by ones true Will to repair.
Death begins the Operation by a knocking, or a seizure, to which Life answers.
Then Death, banishing all forces external to the operation, declares the Speech in the Silence.
(Redacted) and (redacted) sacred parts are removed to form the base of a triangle whose apex is the East. They invoke the Divine Work, and then Death slays with the knife, and embalms with the 2-stroke oil, his sister Life. Life, thus prepared, invokes, at the summons of Death, the forces necessary to the Operation. The Work takes its station in the East and the officers salute it both by speech and silence in their signs; and they pronounce the secret Word of power that riseth from the Silence and returneth thereunto noisily revving at utmost high RPM's, riding hard and steadfast.

-----------

Also PHIL came back to his proper homeland for a visit and actually did this:

He also recently acquired this 1984 Yamaha Sting MOPED in Seattle. It is a restricted 25kmh (18mph) German only moped. It is super duper rad, except for the fact it is basically a QT50. He has grandiose plans for it back in Indiana. I wish him luck. I'm sure at some point he will tell you more than I know on his blog.

(Stock) French bikes are easy.

2011-09-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

Back to 9 out of 10 running bikes!

Thanks to Responible Jon, Mosquito Fleet's scout for mailing me a 50v SHA intake, the recent Moby runs! Haven't given it any long rides yet, but it starts and idles like a dream, and puts around the neighborhood pretty well.

Interestingly enough this moped formerly belonged to the 3rd member of the Mosquito Fleet (as did the Austo Daimler I also have). I remember the day this bike stopped running back in ~2004, and how we couldn't get the flywheel nut off to restore spark. We ended up stripping out the square center of it (yes we knew it was reverse thread.) Well, I got it off, replaced the Noviy condensor and external coil, and the ol' girl breathed new life.

Here is a very uninteresting video of it running.

Speaking of RJ, if you haven't heard, he has started a new gang in Lafayette, IN, cleverly named the LafaYeti's. He was kind enough to send me a sticker as well.

The French Collection

2011-09-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have acquired my first Motobecane 50v... for a bottle of Jameson. Fortunately it is relatively clean and complete. It needs just a couple things like a petcock, carb and cables. I did get it to spark after I replaced the Noviy condensor and external coil. It shall be receiving a Dellorto SHA carb, and that's it! I am not interested at all in anyway with any further performance upgrades.

I now own 2 French bikes, which makes me slightly uncomfortable. The other being a 1965 Mobylette AV88

---

ALSO!

The Puddle Cutter's PDX rally was awesome! My Motomarina Raven broke ANOTHER rear axle, and my wife's Puch Bombardier broke a ring. Parts are on their way for the quick repairs.

I followed that up immediately by a week in Wilmington, NC for the White Line Riders rally Southern Comfort 2, which was also awesome! Those guys and gals are extremely friendly and hospitable. Here are the only 2 photos I took:

Southern Comfort 2

2011-09-06T16:36:00.001-07:00

Flying to Wilmington, North Carolina tonight for the White Line Riders rally. Pretty excited to meet new folks and ride!

Maybe I'll see you there!

I sure hope hurricane Katia stays away...

Also my sister-in-law's wedding is that weekend too...

All better.

2011-08-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Last week this happened.

So I took it to Naz'z'z Wisard Lair.

And a spell was cast.

And all was made well.

BREAK EVERYTHING

2011-08-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

With mopeds, the faster things get better, they faster they get worse. It's a ying yang sorta deal in regards to owning lot's of bike.

For example, the Puch Maxi, now known as Squirrely the Confounder (a whole different story,) which I just built and was running awesome, sounds like an 18 wheeler diesel engine idling due to it's bearings suddenly deciding to sound like broken glass.

Another example, the Motomarina I just built up real tight, snapped it's rear axle whilst going in a straight line on smooth blacktop. Also it apparently has the world's longest rear 11mm axle, as no one in the Mosquito Fleet had one. It did measure approximately 3/4 inches longer than even a Puch rear axle. Fortunately Treats does carry 11mm x 200mm axles...

Beyond that, old faithful, the Generalissimo, started running like such shit that I put baby in the corner until I can rebuild what I believe to be also bad crank bearings, a stock out of round (oval) sprocket, and a rear wheel rapidly snapping spokes.

The good news is I have all replacement parts in hand or in the mail. A bunch of bearings, seals, and an axle, should have all my bikes back on the road in no time.

Sadfaced Raven...

ALL WHITED OUT

2011-08-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

The Motomarina Raven lives!

75cc Polini V1, 19 PHBG Dellorto, Puch DMP Estoril. Hauls ass. Everything works and I even put a missing horn on it.

Could still use some slightly taller bars, better pedals, and perhaps a polish to try and get the gas stains out of the white paint.

Bad, bad bearings

2011-07-28T08:53:00.001-07:00

Before I kitted out the Motomarina Raven, I rebuilt the bottom end due to a suggestion from the previous owner. It was a damn good thing I did...

Service manual mistakes: ANSWER!

2011-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:00

The 11 is supposed to be a 17.

DUH!

Entrepreneurial

2011-07-22T16:59:00.000-07:00

Experienced moped engine delivery service for hire

Service manual mistakes

2011-07-21T15:18:00.001-07:00

Update hint: If you follow these ingredients to rebuild a V1 you can not...

Find the typographical, and thus factual error on this exerpt from the Minarelli service manual and win a prize*

*There is no prize

Out with the old; In with the new.

2011-07-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

I sold these old things:

ANGEL

77 Demm Scout

Piles of engines

And bought this 1989 Motomarina Raven

1989 is practically brand new! This bike is not eligible for collector's status until 2019! Stay tuned as I will be pimping the shit out of this bikes V1.

I've got 99 problems, but a scooter ain't one.

2011-06-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

You may recall when I spoke of the Shametropolitan scooter I got for free awhile back?

Well, I got it sorta running and rode it to the gas station once. And that's it. And I don't need it or want it, and it takes up space. So I sold it for a handful of dollars and a pedal chain tensioner, and now it's gone forever. I immediately turned the dollars into moped parts via Treats.

I'm sure Travis is overjoyed, as he relentlessy and openly told me on every occasion possible how much he hated it. Well, in all honesty, I did too. Good riddance.

Puke

2011-06-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

I fell into a pile of Puch

And then this crawled out of it

A nice little Maxi. Not quite done with it yet. It will recieve a 60cc Athena kit in the near future.

The moon is bright over Lebanon tonight!

2011-06-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

It was a full moon last night and I took this slightly blurry photo of the cratered, floating rock through the haze of the night sky. It was super bright and made it hard to sleep, even with the curtains drawn. Gee, I wonder who owns that moon?

In other moped related news The Generalissimo pulled a boner and done blued itself, sorta. On my way to work last week it surged, made some slight clinking sounds and kept running for about a 1/4 mile as it got slower and slower until, kaput, there was zero compression. Turns out the second ring broke somehow and took a little chunk of the piston with it. The cylinder was unscathed.

Broke on Tuesday and was fixed up with a new piston and rings by Friday thanks to Treats. Running strong once again.

OH YEAH! I almost forgot to mention that moon photo above isnt' actually the moon! That's my piston, you sillies! I own that moon!

ditto

2011-06-09T22:38:00.001-07:00

biggins n smallins t'gether

2011-06-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

Several members of the Fleet came out and participated in the 2011 Seattle Mods & Rockers ride, even though we are exactly neither mod nor rocker. It was a very large ride and lots of fun.

Mopeds can be seen from the 51 second mark, but mostly towards the end. You can barely catch a glimpse of me at 1:09 right before the camera pans away.

Mild Histrionics, Geography & Mopeds of the THE GREAT PACIFIC NORTHWEST: Part 1

2011-05-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend several of us will be embarking on a 130 mile round trip moped ride, and 3 day camping trip. Chances are 60% of it will be in the rain. Be we Seattlites are tough and able. Dawned with rain gear and blue tarps we shall persevere. We ain't scared.

About 6 months ago (when we thought the weather would be tropical by now) I came up with a few rides into unknown moped territories of the Great Pacific Northwest. A mere 65 mile moped ride was decided upon. Our destination of Verlot, WA (Pop. 170~) is located on the infamous Mountain Loop Highway and 10 miles from the nearest very small town of Granite Falls. Granite Falls itself was settled upon merely as a base to head into the mountains for gold miners of Monte Cristo (which is now an actual ghost town).

We will be camping on the roaring shores of the mighty South Fork Stillaguamish River. The river derives its name from the Native American tribe of the same name, and still has a reservation in the area. This river is located at the base of Mt. Pilchuck (Elevation 5240) in the Mt. Pilchuck State Forest, which itself is part of the enormous Cascade Mountain Range.

Needless to say we shall not be short of nature or scenery.

This will be similar to our view of Mt. Pilchuck:

And this will be similar to our view of the Stillaquamish River:

Only sweeping, scenic, old country backroads all the way there too. Here's to not breaking down, staying dry, and and enjoying the beautiful view of the lengthy process of the conjunction of tectonic plates smashing and gnarring together giving rise to geologic monstrosities, coupled with the lovely sounds and sights of the ability of our planet to maintain an over abundance of H20, in such large amounts that the life giving liquid pours down mountains for thousands of years, and the likes, and what not, and so and so, et cetera, ad continuum....

Put on the brakes.

2011-05-18T10:04:00.001-07:00

A whole lotta somethings and a whole buncha nothings been going on lately. Having lotsa fun as the sun slowly makes it way into my hemisphere more often than it used to and cracks the clouds open.

Been riding to work every day and the ol' Generalissimo is a true tank and racking up the miles. No problems of any type to announce. Although my odometer quit working a couple months ago I calculate I have put approximately 3000 miles on my V1 80cc Polini kit. I checked the head a few weeks ago and there was barely even any carbon deposits. Smooth sailing. I guess the most wear and tear I can tell of is my brake cables needing to be readjusted every so often.

Redrum

2011-04-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

Murdered out my front rack

I know you know, that there's no time to lose... yeah! We got to come together, yeah, we gotta shake these blues!

2011-04-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

Firstly, it rained all day. It has been raining a whole entire lot. But DO NOT FEAR! And do not FORGET . You can beat it/them!

Secondly, this is my moped hauling a scooter wheel around. Those suckers are heavy by the way.

Sir Bradley John Johnsen and I beat it into submission; We smacked it with a hammer and railroad spike until it was straight... enough...ish...

And thirdly. Listen to this and go have some fun.

Moped Monday

2011-03-29T00:09:00.001-07:00

With a rough estimate, I have been to approximately 340 Moped Mondays.

That is more Moped Monday's than anyone ever. In a few months I will have spent a year of my life attending. It is still my favorite day.

See you there next week!

Utilitarianism and Working Hard

2011-03-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

For a long time I have been aware of the General Front Rack that has been eternally out of stock at Handybikes. But after seeing a photo of Hell Satan's Emily's old General with one I decided that I must, and I repeat, MUST have one.

So I spoke with Dan of 1977 Mopeds about getting one. He worked hard and scoured all his sources for one. Despite Emily saying Hanydbikes "had a TON of em," they either no longer exist, or BJ just can't find them amongst the masses of parts. So Dan tried once again, and managed to find the only front rack he had in stock at all anywhere. We weren't sure if it would work, but it was sent my way.

After breaking about 4 drill bits, a bit of grinding, some clever mounting techniques, and much frustration I got it to work out. I now have the most utilitarian, cargo capable moped I know of. Front rack, rear rack, and saddlebags. I suppose some front panniers and a few milk crates could up my capacity a bit...

The only thing I would like to change is the color from chrome to black to blend it in better and match the rear rack. But chrome is hard to paint over and I was done dealing with it for the day. Not to mention I had offered to help Chicago fix his Baretta Magnum.

It had no spark, and the wiring needed some maintencane. After fucking with it for several hours we deduced the condenser had failed. A short trip to the auto parts store for a 62 Chevy Nova condenser, a quick extraction of the old condenser, and his bike was alive with spark.

Joel also invited himself over with a Box O' Hobbit and painted all the parts outside in the rain. It is quite the beautiful finish. He successfully reassembled the entire moped and rode it up and down the street. It was overall a very productive day.

I also got to test out my new front rack. It works great...

If there was a god then even he wouldn't forgive me...

2011-03-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when your coworker offers to give you a free, titled, shitty, busted scooter. Meet the Shametropolitan...

You take it. You fix it, sorta. Then you don't know what to do with it. Then you fix it more. Then you remove every piece of plastic possible and decide to make it the most shameful loaner ever for rallies and visitors.

The plastic has been reduced by 99.8%. It still needs a straight front wheel, seat, and about 1' of gas line. 95% aesthetically complete as pictured. Resale value decreased by 90%, but increased increased by 5%. Custom streamlined.

Anyone have a straight front wheel? Or a toilet seat + lid?

Seriously. Old person padded seat/lid preferred.

Quantam Leap

2011-03-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

MOPED MOPED MOPED! Those are the things that I have been doing...

The Generalissimo's tank was very loose and extremely rattly, so for the first time in this bike's existense I removed the seat and tank and wrapped the rubber tank grommets with a layer or few with Gorilla Tape. Wam bam thank you Mam... problem solved.

The next day I was in Portland for the Puddle Cutter's 5th Anniversary Ride. I have been to every single anniversary ride, including their creation event. El Presidente Gordo has a few photos of the event.

I am proud to say the 60 mile ride was easily conquered by everyone from Seattle. The long PDX ride was declared a short Seattle ride.
-----

Tonight's Moped Monday began as a time/space warp for me. I had a late start from from my house, which proceeded with me exiting the house into a downpour. I then returned inside to dawn my raingear. Followed shortly by me exiting the house again to virtually no rain whatsoever. This was followed by me returning inside the house to remove said rain gear.

Already frustrated I started the indestructable Generalissimo only to realize I forgot the headlight bulb had failed the day prior. After swappping out the bulb I was on my way! Except my lack of fuel, for which I filled 1.3 gallons. Then after hitting every single red light, and navigating around a blocked intersection due to a several car pile up I made it to Moped Monday under the impression I was 35 minutes late. In fact I was 9 minutes late.

The time/space warp comes into effect because I left my house within mere minutes of arriving to Moped Monday, despite the fact that I rode about 7 miles which normally takes about 20-25 minutes. I somehow received every obstacle possible, yet travelled through space and time at a fraction of reality.

This is not to say it hasn't happened before... I once beat my friends car the long way across town. He was speeding down Interstate 5 and I was randomly navigating my way through the neighborhoods of Seattle proper. All math works out to him arriving 10 minuted before me. Yet, I arrived 15 minuted before him.

This could lead into a long arduous discussion regarding a multi-dimensional multiverse in which I am the chosen and only sole being to ever traverse these alternate warped or circular time dimensions, but I don't need anyone to tell me what I can or can not do.

uno momento por favor

2011-03-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

There is meaning and reason for everything. But when the reason is broken down to a minuscule apparition then the fraction left over is more difficult to decipher. Then the underlying consequence retains its importance solely depending on the circumstance in which it was perceived, which is far and beyond the relevance of the terms in which it was originated, and THAT is the least/most important of all depending on the infinite views of perspective.

Whatchu you gonna do?

I Didn't Know I Loved You (Till I Saw You Rock & Roll)

2011-03-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

So I got a new job building stuff like this

and this

but there is none internets for me...yet! Eventually I will be set up and have some time (though only a fraction compared to my old job) to blarg more often.

Until next time, let it be burrito...

The Evolution of one 1978 Milani Tris

2011-01-31T08:44:00.001-08:00

Milani to date-

As she came to me (2006):

Shortly after I first got it with a little clean up (2007):

Some mild stock improvements (2010):

And now (2011):

Milani specs:
Autisa V1 55cc kit
Zen pipe
15mm Dellorto w/ 75 jet

I also put a better handlebars and a more functional seat on it (with a new seat to come). They may not look as visually pleasing, but made a vast improvement in handling. I also raised the rear mounting of the pipe for about 1" more clearance.

It is much stronger than it was. I believe it would like a 77 jet a tiny bit better. It is mildly sluggish in the low end, but once it hits the power band it really starts to haul ass. I think stiffer clutch springs would help alot with the take off. Moped Monday ride tonight will give me a better gauge of how it's all doing.

Totally anamorphic duuuude!

2011-01-26T19:26:00.000-08:00

The AAAAAH-TISA kit has had the most stubborn, stripped out, spun and otherworldly outright stuck exhaust studs and threads reworked by the black magick bewilders of the dark craftsman known as Naz. Neither his fire nor lightning could extract. But a lot of frustration and pure force did. It now has M10 threads, with M8 heli-coils, plus M8 to M6 studs. WOW. I will be throwing this (small) big bore kit on that bitch(in') Milani with haste. Finally! Or this weekend since I am lazy. The 55cc kit coupled with a Puch 15mm intake (perfect fit!), 15mm SHA, and the Zen pipe should move really gosh darn well.

This very poorly shows said studs

Until next time, let it be burrito...

Homo Sapiens VS The Grated Bridge or: How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Thrill.

2011-01-11T15:49:00.000-08:00

Before we begin today I would like everyone to participate in a few mental warm up exercises:

Take a deep breath. And another. And another. Good. Now lay down and close your eyes. Imagine you are laying on a bed of clouds. So silky soft and smooth. All your muscles are relaxed. Life is at ease...

Now get up and go to your kitchen and locate your cheese grater. Go on, do it. Now apply it to any exposed flesh and give it a good down stroke, sharpened edges against the epidermis. And another. And another. Good. How did that feel? Did it hurt? Did it bleed? Did it feel good you masochistic freak? Did it successfully tear off multiple strips of flesh, with hair still clinging to them, in a perfect configurative pattern and length to reveal your dermis and allow the exposed blood vessels to pour forth the thick red bodily fluid so essential to life? If not, apply more pressure and try again. Once you have achieved significant damage, dress your wounds with a gauze so we can continue.

Now undress your wounds, take the gauze, and squeeze the blood it absorbed into a small drinking glass. This will be used to accentuate the direness of the subject we are going to cover next by bringing your mental state into a sense of madness.

Drink the blood. NOW! Go on, do it! Are you afraid or disgusted? You are pathetic! Drink it! Good! Well done! (One could also garnish the beverage with the skin flaps they grated earlier.) As the thickened blood cells coagulate and cling to your teeth, tongue, and throat begin to internalize what you've just done.

[Bonus: Practicing this exercise with a friend will allow to drink each other's blood!]

You have just drank your own or another's blood! It is unnatural! It is disgusting! You should be freaking out [if not, seek professional mental stability help] because that shit is fucked up! Your mind should be racing in a fiery frenzy trying to figure out what atrocious act you have just committed against yourself. Are you feeling uneasy? Are you feeling nauseous, dizzy, and perhaps little maddened?

NOW LOOK AT THIS GIANT HUMAN SIZED GRATER AND IMAGINE WHAT IT COULD DO TO YOUR ENTIRE BODY AS YOU ARE PROPELLED ACROSS IT AT 28-60 MPH!!!

The feelings you have experienced through this exercise are what every homosapien feels when approaching a grated bridge on a motorized two-wheeled vehicle! Your feelings are perfectly normal! Whew! What a relief, right?

Seattle is littered with several grated bridges that connect one half of Seattle to the other. On a daily basis we cross these human shredders, even if they may be cold, wet and icy! The material they are born from is indestructible, razor sharp titanium. They are forged from the depths of hell into a crosshatched pattern as such, that if you happen to crash on one and land with your hands down then your fingers are guaranteed to go through the negative space of the grate. This will rip your fingers right the fuck off your hand in a mere fraction of a second, leaving only bleeding knobs for hands. Or sometimes it will tear your finger's flesh right off the bone like a well cooked pork rib, leaving your skinless, literally bony digits protruding from your knuckles as the rest of your body continues to slide and roll down the grates, being obliterated and churned into a meatball by the sharp, high-friction metal.

[Fun Fact: There is a known congregation of aquatic vertebrate, water dwelling mammals, and birds that live under and around grated bridges. They feed off the meaty droppings of human remains that fall and drip into the water beneath.]

TO AVOID CERTAIN DEATH:
Go really really fast. As fast as you can, even if that means speeding. Do not turn. Keep your hand grip relaxed to allow for the bike to guide itself over the treacherous beef grinder below. Do not hit the brakes unless utmost necessary and/or you want to die a grizzly mutilated death.

Too many have not obeyed these rules and have either died, or narrowly made it across. And if they do make it across at low speeds, they are traumatized for the rest of their life. A traumatization from which one can never ever recover.

Stay tuned next time for:
Earth's Population of Moped Rider's VS Their Insistence to Go Too Fast or: How to Blue Up Your Engine on a Reliable Basis/ How to Build an Unreliable Piece of (S)crap (Metal).

Mankind VS Inclement Weather or: A Little Rain Has Never Killed Anyone (A Lot of Rain Has Killed So Very Many)

2010-12-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

I have been riding mopeds in the Great Pacific Northwest for over 8 years, and during that time I have become accustomed to it raining on occasion. And during that time I have also developed and perfected the ability to have full IMMUNITY from rain. The power to ride my moped in the thickest, most dismal downpour and remain 100% DRY! "How do you do it," you ask? "What magick do you possess that allows this," you ponder aloud? "Why am I inferior in so many ways," you sobbingly cry into your pillow every single night of your miserable existence? Well, my pathetic friends, let me tell you. Soon I will tell you what you too can do to make yourself IMPENETRABLE to the rain gods.

But FIRST! You must familiarize yourself with these multitudes of RAIN GODS that we BATTLE day in and day out! There are so damn many of them I can't say which one is the best. That is up to YOU to decide. And don't even try denying their existences you sun worshiping pagans! The proof is in the puddles.

So, before we proceed, take a minute to meet just a few of the deities known specifically for creating rain, that have fucked with you your whole life and made you wet on so many moist occasions:

Tlaloc, Dzahui, Huya, Chaac, Wuluwaid, Achuhucanac, Tonenili, Zennyo Ryūō, Kui, Attar

Which one is your favorite? Which one is your least favorite? Which one do you think is the most powerful? What was the name of Tlaloc's first wife? Which god did the Yucatec Mayan's worship? What is the literal translation of the Navajo god Tonenili? In what year was Zennyo Ryūō made to appear during a famous rainmaking contest at the Kyoto Imperial Palace? Which rain god had child sacrifices made to it?

(Please place your answers in the 'comments' aka 'racing clicks' section found at the bottom of this post.)

Let us continue... the BEST defense one can take against these bastard gods is: RAINGEAR! A good waterproof jacket, some waterproof pants, waterproof shoes, waterproof gloves, and a full face helmet is the perfect armor to defend yourself from the h20 molecular weapon these various supernatural immortal beings piss down upon us. The key adjective here being WATERPROOF.

wa·ter·proof
[waw-ter-proof]
–adjective
1. impervious to water.

Once one has sealed up their fleshy, absorbent skin with a good set of rain gear, one will find that the powerful precipitating pricks can no longer alter your attitude or hinder your ability to enjoy a wonderful day, evening, or night! The mysterious and magick powers of WATERPROOF overcomes ones' body, protecting it from the watery ones, and rendering them powerless! So go forth and invest in rain gear, and come ride with me!

Nothing can stop us now!

-----------

Come back next week for:
Homo Sapiens VS The Grated Bridge or: How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Thrill.

UPGRAYYEDD

2010-12-26T02:39:00.000-08:00

I'S GOTS LOTSA TOOLS PRESENTWISE. SOME AIR SOME MUSCULAR MECHANICAL. PRETTY COOL.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-TISA!

2010-12-20T15:54:00.001-08:00

Mystery Minarelli kit

2010-12-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: The cylinder is believed to be a vintage Autisa V1 41mm 55cc kit, just like this one?
I will be installing this on my Milani, along with different bars, a sturdier seat, and stiffer rear shocks for better handling as the current setup makes the Milani a squirrelly little bitch.

-------------

I got a box of random moped parts from some guy, and buried under a bunch of batavus crap I found a nice little gem. It is a 41mm Minarelli V1 kit, which equates to 55cc's. It has a huge square port intake and massive exhaust. Also it has more cooling fins, and a sleaved cylinder, not cast iron like stock or polini. This little kit looks like it could really haul ass.

(the stock cylinder on the right was supposed to show the intake, not the exhaust, oops)

The Nexus of Sominus

2010-12-15T08:24:00.001-08:00

What.

Howard. Howard.

The lazer spectroscope malfunctioned again. There was a tremendous explosion and then, uh, I must have blacked out, I suddenly find myself out here.

These experiments were unauthorized. They're probably going to blame me for the...

What's wrong with me? Aaaahggh.You've got to understand. I'm telling you I saw something.

Listen, an evil has landed. The world is in plain danger! It feels like something's inside me. Gnawing at my guts! What's wrong with me?!

The pain. It's like I'm transforming inside. I'm afraid I'm about to be come something else!

Something's growing inside me! It's replicating and superceding all my internal organs.

That monstrous shape I saw! It's inside my body!

It's too late! The end of the world is coming, and I will be the cause of it!

I'm dead.

The transformation is complete. I am now someone else.

I no longer need human food.

You are about to witness the end of the old world and birth of the new.

I told you, bird brain, I am no Jenning anymore. I am now one of the dark overlords of the universe.

Tonight the lazer beam will hit the Nexus of Sominus. It is a region of demons in which we dark overlords were exiled eons ago. Just as you were brought down here accidentally, tonight the lazer beam released me from that region of demons and pulled me down into that lab.
During the explosion I entered Jennings body, so, I have disguised my true form which would be considered hideous and revolting here.

This will mean the extinction of all existing life forms.

My powers are growing.

It is time now. It is the code key. It will activate the lazer spectroscope when I use it tonight to bring down the other dark overlords.

Soon the dark overlords will engulf the earth. Nothing human will remain here.

An evil unlike any you can imagine is about to engulf the earth.

She took my eggs.

You hardly know him.

Release the small water fowl.

Bring me the code key, Howard.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

It's closing time!

Going somewhere?

Give me the code key!

I will now bring down the other dark overlords.

I need your body. The dark overlords can not exist on this planet unless they grow inside a human body.

I need energy! More energy!

Power.

One million kilowatts. Power.

I feel much better.

Smog inspection!

Yeah, shutup!

Howard, it's not... the evil's not inside me anymore, the explosion must have released it and it's loose! The dark overlord is still here!

Obliteration.

2010-10-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

Done did blued up a V1 clutch real good. The same one twice actually.

2010-10-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

"I was asked to memorise what I did not understand; and, my memory being so good, it refused to be insulted in that manner."

1000 CHIPSTERS

2010-09-30T19:58:00.001-07:00

"Not quite pain...but pure misery"

2010-09-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

Post-Ceremony:

Took only a few crappy phone photos but here they are...

On our way to PDX

The view

Temporary bus break down

Something went missing

These things are illegal!

Fire escapes

Daytime view

IT WAS FUN RALLY

BUS SURVIVED

EVERYTHING WAS AWESOME

I AM SO VERY TIRED...

2010-09-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

The Generalissimo has been running so well and solid that I didn't notice it all sorts of things were breaking beneath me. The fan has exploded and the the front motor mounts on both sides are cracked clean off! Woops. and fuck! 4 days before SF and I have rebuilt my entire motor and getting it all welded back together by the Wizardly Naz today. After all this work let's hope that gnarly sound has vanished...

here is something sorta awesome

and we rode around an island. it has been described as god puked blacktop in the middle of the woods. it is too much fun.

IN THE FUTURE

2010-08-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

1: Every cough syrup...

2: (Cough syrup)

1: ...Mouthwash...

2: (Mouthwash)

1: ...Decongestant...

2: (Decongestant)

1: ...That you drink...

2: (Drink)

1: ...Is red...

2: (Red)

1: ...Or green.

2: (Green, yeah...)

1: Remember my breathe?

2: (Mmm hmm)

1: Remember how it used to be?

2: (Ooh it stunk)

1: I mean 'pew'

2: ('Pee-ew')

1: And the dry...

2: (Dry)

1: ...Hacking...

2: (Hacking)

1: ...Cough.

2: (Cough)

1: Little globules

2: (That were green, weren't they?)

1: Green and brown

2: (And they stuck to ya)

1: Well, no more

2: (Nuh-uh)

1: Not with my...

2: (mmm)

1: ...Scope...

2: (Scope)

1: ...and my...

2: (Yes)

1: ...Robitussin

2: (Oh yes!)

SEAL KILLER

2010-08-05T08:34:00.001-07:00

Extracting a transmission side V1 crank seal without separating the cases is very hard. On other motors that could be a simple task of destroying the rubber seal and tugging on it, but V1's use metal seals with rubber inners, pressed into the case halves, making it very difficult to extract. I will not go into the technical explanation of what is required to remove said seal, but here is a photo of a successful removal. It was replaced with an all rubber seal, that went in almost too easy. (Do not try this at home, Mega Master Mechanics, like me, only!)

Here is all the tools required and parts removed

The seal was removed from the case/crank on the right. Here you can see the exposed bearing behind it.

BONUS:

TimP's 52.7 cubic centimeter, overbored V1 cylinder. (That he may or may not have immediately soft seized...)

HOT SPRINGS

2010-08-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

so the other day we went outside

and took a stroll

and really hot water was coming out of this mountain

so we sat in it

it was nice

2010-07-30T14:00:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I:

Goofed around on the side of a hill, ate tacos, rode mopeds, went swimming, had a bbq with free food, murdered and ate dungeness crab, had a firepit, rode in our BUS, went to moped races, got drunk at 9am, got mildly sunburnt.

IT WAS A GLORIOUS WEEKEND.

And unbeknownst to either of us, this morning Travis and I both took pictures of the buildings we work in surrounded by the same froggy skies.

remember that part when we had BLOOD DRIVE 7

2010-07-24T01:09:00.000-07:00

sparse frozen memories from past lives...

at first we were all

then we were all

and then this happened

followed by a lot of this and then some

followed by this

due to this true gentleman

AND SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH MORE

including Seth being all so seriously like

so purely exactly like that. what a dick.

Lest we never forget the rest of the greatest weekend we have ever experienced...

and the ONLY motorcyle at the entire rally was 100cc's...

TODAY IS THE START OF SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

2010-07-15T08:05:00.001-07:00

BEHOLD:

BLOOD DRIVE 7

PREDICTION OF ACTUAL EVENTS

2010-06-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

UTILITARIAN

2010-06-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

RACKED. I can carry lots if I choose to do so.

Thanks to the gromfrom for the rack and Destruction Jon for his powdercoating!

2010-06-25T14:21:00.001-07:00

Everyone in Seattle is breaking their bikes. I have repeatedly told them not to, but they won't listen to me. Meanwhile almost all of mine are doing just fine, because I take my own advice, thus the lack of things to say here lately.

4th of July week will be a hoot with an event entitled:

PORK O JULY: HAMBONE THE REVENGE

It entails: 100+ mile ride roundtrip, PIG ROAST, legal fireworks, river tubing, general hootenanny, camping, and lotsa booze.

The ride will be amazing and generally like this:

View Larger Map

Also to falsely tide you over here's a picture of a small motorcycle I saw the other day. Mid-60's 75cc BSA Starlite, 4-stroke and 4-speed gearbox. Very pretty.

Twice the human, half the humanity...

2010-06-19T00:56:00.000-07:00

THE FUTURE IS EASY. But sometimes it's pretty hard. Technology is like a thing that replaced something and made something easier for some reason just because. Do you know and understand what I am saying? Laughing out loud is what I am not actually doing. Speaking of 'laughing audibly,' most times when someone writes the letters: "L.O.L.," do you literally believe they are physically and audibly guffawing to themselves? Personally I do not believe it to be so. I believe about ninety nine percent of the time the person is sitting silently, mildly, and generally disinterested. Except perhaps for a singular minute moment of clarity when they mentally discover the text or image they just read was of comedic value. Why must they continually protest that they were "laughing out loud," or "rolling on the floor laughing?" Empirical evidence does not show that without a fraction of a doubt they were actually rolling upon their filthy, soiled floors, bellowing from their likely diseased and distended guts. Also, they suck. Also, they're probably really fat. Like REALLY fat. And lonely too. I bet if scientists actually investigated the matter they would discover more mayonnaise weeping from the pores and orifices of obese people than is produced on the tiny, formerly devastated (by the United States in WWII) island of Japan. In conclusion, don't you hate it when fat people pretend to be happy?

From here I must digress. Lest I be sought out by absolutely disgusting fat beings (perhaps with only the intention of me being a singular meal to supress their incurable appetites,) that leads to my destruction (like an all you can eat Ribs menu at a buffet at Chilis [or other comparable franchise restuarants].)

See also: Tarrare (MUST READ)

STIRRING UP AN INFECTIOUS BATCH OF CABIN FEVER

2010-06-10T15:33:00.000-07:00

I've been home being sick since for practically a literal ever and then some and how. I am finally not now at home any longer.

During my stay I visted many magical lands and met many varieties of people and beings due to the wonders of prescribed cough sizzurp and video home system cassete tapes transfered to digitally animated pixels by some friends i know called the internet.

Including, not excluding, some Jawa mopeds featuring the up and coming comedic troupe known as The State.

TADA

Ohio, The Heart of It All

2010-06-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Cincinnati was awesome. Quite possibly the best rally I have ever been to. It was very hot and humid. My loaner rocked. I was magically not hung over every day somehow. And I met lotsa new MA folks from the Middle East and Far East of the U.S.

And we forgot our camera, and I took very few phone photos.

I made it to Skyline my last day there. It is interesting.

Goin back to Ohio (to which I've never been)

2010-05-28T19:48:00.001-07:00

Goin to Cincinatti....be back Wednesday....

GENERALLY AWESOME

2010-05-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

So much fun.

80cc Generalissimo

Just missing 1 decal that is on its way.

1981 General 5 Star.

Minarelli V1

80cc Polini

Bennesar High Comp head

19 PHBG

Modified Bennesar 80cc Turbo Reverse

1980 General 5 Star in 1980

2010-05-06T12:33:00.001-07:00

Moped Dealership, 1980.

2010-05-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

HAMMER TIME

2010-05-05T10:46:00.001-07:00

Malediction: Trike of the Damned

2010-05-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am not lying one bit when I say that ONLY fat people and hillside dwellers want a Batavus Trike.

These two things are a Batavus Trike's only NEMESES.

I have been asked more questions about it's maximum load capacity than how well it runs...

WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING

2010-05-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

I have now been impatiently waiting here or thereabouts 37 weeks for approximately 1,300 parts to arrive via various shipping companies to no avail. Except one little box that arrived today. And maybe a big one tomorrow. AND STILL AND STILL AND STILL I have NO brakes. Under my ownership the GENERAL has probably idled more than it has EVER been ridden in it's life. Myself only contributing one harrowing block with none braking power.

When above mentioned parts arrive I'm going to dump them all into a giant pile and swim through a la Scrooge McDuck. (I would also like to congratulate myself now for being the first person ever in the multiverse to use the McDuck vault as an analogy of joy for the pleasure of owning excessive quantities of an item. Thank you.)

Then I'm going to assemble this bike like it is a giant Lego set and I am participating in an involuntary Lego set building race to the death or be BLUED UP!

FUTURE CATASTROPHIC FAILURES AWAIT

2010-04-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

SUPER MEGA ULTRA THANKS to West Seattle for supplying me with my next fatal victim (as Irresponsible Jonathin likes to say) for supplying me with a replacement e50 clutch bell, starter plate, and snap ring! As my last bell RIPPED apart revving out on the stand. I've blued up so many clutch bits n pieces i have honestly lost count. I think this is numero 9, maybe 10? Minimagnumblue is alive once again after 1.5 months of collecting dust and ripping and roaring.

ONTO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Within the next 2-6 weeks I suspect I will have an all time record of 100% of 9 0f 9 running and (with luck) reliable bikes.

As of late I have had a feverous case of the fix-its, to the point that i stand in the garage with only bikes to stare at, simply waiting for parts, and nothing to fix. Biggest Treats order I've ever made at is in progress. Yeehaw!

Thank Jebas for Lemonade LOKO and lotsa AIR RIFLES n PISTOLS to bide the time.

CHANGES

2010-04-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

My beautiful and beloved Foxi GT Sport is gone forever. SOLD. I never rode it anyway.

But it was for an excellent cause. To support the pimping of this General 5 Start I just picked up.

One of the crank bearings was frozen, so Isaac and I rebuilt the engine in 1 day, ripped out the monstrous amount of wires and turn signals, rewired it, and it runs! Really really well. Super solid and torquey. Sometime next week a HUGE bag of goodies will be arriving that will make this bike a warmonger.

And it's already looking better. I am so glad Handybikes is still around. As they have the brand new brakes I need. And I can order a single sidecover screw and the single missing decal for this exact bike. In fact, I can get virtually ever single individual part for this bike. Much love.

Batavus TRIKE

2010-04-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

Here is a some decent pictures of my 77 Batavus VA50 Trike. Quite the nifty oddity. It goes 35mph on a flat. Faster than most Batavus's's' ever go. And it weighs a pretty penny more. It's real sweet. I'm selling it if someone wants to buy it. I like it. I never ride it.

New Hat

2010-04-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

I got a new new old hat to replace my old new old hat

new NOS Bell Sprint & old NOS Bell TourStar II

Self Defined

2010-04-02T00:08:00.001-07:00

shitbiscuits

Mechanical Principles (1930) by Ralph Steiner

2010-03-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

Sit back and enjoy.

blued up's clutch blued up

2010-03-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

minimagnumblue blued up its clutch. on the kickstand. and for the first time ever I had a clutch failure that didnt involve the clutch pads disintegrating. This time the clutch bell cracked and split open, which allowed the giant retainer clip to get behind the bell and wrap itself around a the main gear, making a terrible noise, and allowing the engine/wheel to only turn 1 way.

Also the little pressure nipple thingie on the starter plate broke away from the plate, and then fell apart when i touched it.

Now I am once again in search for yet another e50 clutch bell and shit. Perhaps Naz will let me try out a special little weapon that was sitting on his workbench the other day...

Answerewolves: No one got it.

2010-02-25T08:06:00.000-08:00

The answers to the Guess the Frame! Finally!

-Official Model Number: PM50

-Brand and model name/make: Honda Canguro

-Replica brand model name/make: TMY Angel

-Incorrect brand and/or name/make #1: Honda Novio

-Incorrect brand and/or name/make #2: Peugeot Angel

Yup, it is a European only Honda PM50 Canguro (not kangaroo). It seems the Taiwanese company TMY got ahold of the designs for their frame and then produced the ANGEL mopeds that are too commonly (and annoyingly) refered to as Peugeot Angels. Let it be said again that there is not a single thing in common with a Peugeot!

Although the Honda PM50 and Angel share practically identical frames, they do have many differences, albeit entirely in the motorworks. The Canguro has a Honda 2-stroke, piston port, floating variated, belt drive engine. While the Angel's have a (still unknown) 2-stroke, case inducted, non-variated belt drive engine. (The Angels use a Batavus M48 cylinder/head, but the bottom end is distinctly different than a Batavus.)

Was your guess close? Prolly not. I believe Dean was the only person to guess sorta correctly on first try. Nice work.

And now for your viewing pleasure, here is a some pictures of some very nice Honda PM50 Canguro's.

And now for your manic masturbatory pleasure, here is a photo of my ANGEL:

For full clarification, many TMY Angels did come with the forks as shown in the diagram and PM50 photos. Many of them also came with General hydraulic forks, as seen above, which came on a fairly large amount of bikes with generic parts, which makes sense as the Angel is just a Taiwanese knock-off.

Let's Play a Game: Guess the Frame!

2010-02-12T15:44:00.000-08:00

There are a few correct/incorrect names for this bike, but there is only one true correct frame Model number for the diagram below. Do you know what it is? You may be suprised.

Guess the:

-Official Model Number

-Brand and model name/make

-Replica brand model name/make

-Incorrect brand and/or name/make #1

-Incorrect brand and/or name/make #2

(Answer to be revealed in a few days if not guessed correctly. Labels have been photoshoped out of diagram. )

Peugeot TLX

2010-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

Chances are you've never seen a Peugeot TLX

Well, here is a crappy picture of one in Seattle.

Not mine, but the owner has 2 of them!

P.A.G.A.N.

2010-02-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE AGAINST GOODNESS AND NORMALCY

A Manifesto: We believe that bad sex and good drugs are the cornerstones of a great democracy.

PUMPMASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

2010-01-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

WE BE GANGSTA ASS REDNECK URBANITES PLINKING THE SHIT OUTTA MY BACKYARDZ

GORILLA AND CPT. F. BUSTING SOME AIR PROPELLED LEAD AND ROUND STEEL AT 650 FPS INTO YOUR ASS'S EMPTY CANS'S'S , BITCHES.

OLD STYLE VS NEW STYLE

I KNOW YOU CARE DONT FAKE IT OTHERWISE

Waterfalls: Don't go chasing them.

2010-01-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

It's been really wet. I got new rain shoes. I've stayed dry. Moped.

LIfe as we know it it = will soon be catastrophic

2009-12-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

BIRDY NAM NAM - THE PARACHUTE ENDING from Steve Scott on Vimeo.

Inconsequential Stardust

2009-12-25T22:10:00.000-08:00

My Milani, My Milani, My Milani and Me!

2009-12-16T20:04:00.000-08:00

I did some additional tweaking and tune-up work to my 1978 Milani Tris tonight. This is a really rare bike as there a VERY few Milani's to be heard of, and even less of this tube frame 'Tris' model. Also it has super duper rare dope ass 9 star mag wheels. I have only really seen these wheels on the similarly framed, Morini MO1 powered, Lem mopeds.

For years now the Milani has been my trusty backup ride. It consistently chugs around town and up Seattle hills for a stock bike.

My specs:

Stock Minarelli V1

15:15 Dellorto SHA w/ high flow filter

Stock intake drilled to nearly 15mm

ZEN performance pipe

Excersize bike seat stolen from the garbage

Janky super squeaky stock rear shocks

Tonight I switched out an old beat up Puch Techno Circuit 'snail' style pipe, for a brand new, hydroformed, ZEN performance pipe.

I noticed a significant increase in top speed and I can really feel the power band kick in and pick up in the mid-range and cruise smoothly to the top. Although the header seams a bit small, the chamber has quite the bulge, and as a whole seams just about right for a stock bike. It mounted REALLY easy; This one bolts right on. With minor tweaking I could probably get about 1"more of clearance. Even though it appears to hang low, it don't think it will scrape...often...

SHUTUP! THE EVIL MASTERMIND & KING speaks:

2009-12-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

Oh boy oh boy bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay

I nearly forgot all about this! It's not that I haven't been partaking of my fair dose of mopeds. Nay, in fact despite the most misererabliest of miserabley weather (below freezing, ice, now lotsa rain) i have been doing lots of at least some moped work n such n stuff.

In the past month I have accomplished much, resulting in 9 (nine) running and rideable mopeds in my garage! A new all time record! Not to mention 2 (two) more that run, but are unrideable at the moment, I would say they are 90% rideable, just need a little extra love. Fixed all minimangum clutch bits| kitted the bombardier| Austro Daimler runs a like a champion| columbia is and ghetto as and ever| milani chugs along a trusty ol stead indeed with a new exhaust being installed tonight| indeed pretty foxi is pretty|Batavus Trike runs better than it stops| scorpion is slow as hell as usual| my beautiful vintage AV88 sits quietly under covers| The Demm awaits a new oversized piston from the soon to be deceased Handy Bikes (RIP) via Gabe Bandit's kind retrieval services| ANGEL is awesome except the strange headset bearings shattered a year or so ago when i drove it straight into the side of a dumpster attempting to pop a wheelie and forgot it had virtually no brakes.

When I someday have everything in tip top shape with nothing left to fix or do, then I wont.

Then there's this other stuff I might have done!

A BABY GROUNDHOG made TimP crash!

Bradley John Johnsen with an E got retardedly high score of EIGHT MILLION AND THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND AND ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY points

CHRIS(T) SALAMSNMILSMOLNSONSL came to town

This happened

ICE ON THE SEATS

And there was that one time were 4 people crashed in one night because of the ice

Batavus n Laserblast

2009-11-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

Just chilling out watching a movie inside of a sort of movie that contains scenes from the movie within the movie itself. It does.

"When a movie starts showing you parts of itself you know you are in trouble."

-Mike Nelson of MST3K, regarding Laserblast.

And a Batavus VA50 moped.

I will spin your head off so fast it will collect its own atmosphere... with gravity!

2009-10-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

Now lets once again travel back in time in this long, colorful transformation of my 1978 Columbia Commuter. This bike has had at least 8 owners that I know of, 4 of whom were previously in the MF, and one special one whom was a crackhead. He stole it and had possession for a year before it was recovered. It was kind of him to paint it poorly with house paint, put wood screws all over, and removed the sidecovers and rear rack and fender. He was last the last owner before me.

At one point it donned a set off bullhorns over the head light, with fur scattered about the frame. Then just a uni-horn, and now, only scraps of fur have survived. I hauled ass on this bike the entire Trick or Treat, Creature rally in 2006 with an Athena 70cc piston port kit. I loaned it to Motion Left member Topher who proceeded to put a hard 200 bunnyhopping miles on this bike at Flock Yeah 1 i nLA. It has been a loaner to more people than I can count.

It has had a hard life indeed. Yet I have officially cleaned the carb once, it ALWAYS starts, is sometimes really scary to ride, and been crashed multiple times. I deduce this bike has been painted approximately 10 times, always while completely assembled. The Columbia is unstoppable. See for yourself.

Here is it as of last night.

SPECS:
Magnum forks

long rear struts

14" Puch Dart rear wheel

stock cylinder/carb/whatever

Gianelli exhaust

31mph of awesome tall

For some reason some one really wanted to name it Gador Dog. I think it was Bradley Johnsen.

Safety Orange was a good look.

"This is and racing stripe!"

Here is the oldest photo of the bike, from Blood Drive 1, 2003, long before I owned it. (The red one being ridden on the left.) So sad, it was nice once...

And just for reference, this is what it originally started as:

I am inventing a tv show like that other show but this one is better and has mopeds and is my new original idea completely

2009-10-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

The ultimate fall of the man who spends more time cleaning his mopeds than riding occured this weekend that happened to be the memorial ride for someone else completely who is neither yet a complete specter nor an absolute embodied fact held down by laws of gravity, just way too much moonshine.

To go on, the catastrophy of the man involved a very spirited Morton Medallion and the worlds former largest man made island that may or may not be the very island from LOST remodeled because strange shit happens in this strange deserted place which reveals sign of past human occupation, also perhaps an odd fisherman who says nothing, nor recognizes the indecent in any way when you crash directly next to him, and you happened to have simultaneously just lost with an incomplete default in the racing of the ZigZag Time Trials Race in this anomaly site known to us as Public Access space Terminal 18 with the result being a perfect replica body cast embedded in the shrubbery for future generations to view:

Then later when the sun was hidden low down behind the horizon and darkness spread across the land, this vile thing came from somewhere that involved lotsa pies to drink the beery life milk from this here there teet:

Too pretty too ride.

2009-10-20T11:30:00.000-07:00

A hundred thousand years ago in 2006 I built a 1977 Foxi GT Sport. As the myth goes, it has only been ridden once ever, otherwise being preserved in a sealed, temperature controlled vault, deep inside a bomb shelter, deep inside a mountain, on the moon of a planet with many moons that you've never even heard of anyway. Which is all very very true. Anyway I went and got it and rode it again last night.

The Build:

-Stock unported Sachs 504 engine

-Stock unported Sachs cylinder

-Stock Sachs Bing carburator (minus the jet)

-Hacked Tomos Bullet Pipe

-Crazy wheels

-Lotsa expensive paint

36mph Foxi

Behold the photo history below:

Here it is last night in the dark:

Here it is in Arizona at the Tom Cruiser's Sausagefest, 2006:

Here is near its date of reveal at our very own Blood Drive 4, 2006:

Here it is in a previous life at Blood Drive 2, 2004:

Here is me in a previous life eating a large piece of beef jerky wearing my official Foxi and United Mopeds brand jacket. Though you can't read it, the Foxi patch reads "Let's Get Foxi!"

Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking lay it out, in song

2009-09-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

I am awesome

2009-09-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

F.L.E.E.T.

2009-09-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of approximately 3/4 of the Mosquito Fleet, Moped Army, Seattle, Washington. September 2009.

FILTHY GIRL

2009-09-11T16:07:00.001-07:00

About 10 months has passed since the resurerection and transformasturbation of my minimagnumb into the almighty F.L.E.E.T.T.R.E.A.T.S. EDITION LIMITED MINIMAGNUMBLUE LTD EDITION. Ol' Bluey has held it up surprisingly well, requiring very minimal work and/or maintenance. Even most recently covering a 120 mile journey on a bone white hot plug, so hot actually that it performed reverse alchemy, or perhaps a more simple colorization due to heat, and turned the gold external spark plug metal to blue! But nary a seize at full power ahead, just a little sniffle in the hill climbing department, fortunately I managed to top those ass well. I give unwarranted partial credit to A.D.D. Motorworks's owner and proprietor Sir Bradley John Johnsen with and 'E's couple of dremely minutes spent on my wicked fast 50cc TCCD kit, which is proven apparently now indestructible. Beyond my undeniable and impeccable mechanical skillz, I have made quite a many full rotations of my wheels counting out to thousands of hard miles on hard ground, and some not so hard ground, with yet to wash off the grit, grease, grime, blood, and mud since its date of reveal 11-08-08. This photo really doesnt do a good job of showing how filthy it is, but it does do a good job of being a photo of my lovely little motorbike.

ANSWEREWOLVES part 1

2009-08-28T23:09:00.001-07:00

ANSWEREWOLVES: How can you help?

Help these asian kids get out of these BLUED UP murder traps!!!

alcohol is scientifically known to impede judgement thus it wasnt his fault.

2009-08-25T19:30:00.001-07:00

Little T. McDumbest O' DaFleet is drunky McNotMyFault

muddy mcmudderson

2009-08-25T18:32:00.001-07:00

all dirtied up blue. looking better every day. running dangerously lean and mean and turning the outside plug metal blue. blued up plugs. cant beat me or sieze!

2009-08-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

CAT FACTOR

2009-08-25T18:19:00.001-07:00

add-a-bitch. massive quarters to the wayside. good thing they're all drunk travis's's.

2009-08-25T00:44:00.000-07:00

slick a little lick of bewilderment for chance.

thing on my head two 0 0 nine numero TWO

2009-08-25T00:38:00.001-07:00

things on my head two 0 0 nine numero UNO

2009-08-25T00:37:00.000-07:00

What say there, Fuzzy Britches? Feel like talking?

2009-08-05T15:21:00.001-07:00

As usual rally time is approaching, I and we are headed back to Portland once again. Thus! all my mopeds achieve the apex of their existence and dive headlong into the empty pool known as self-destruction. The masochistic little devils find ways to break down or render themselves unrideable at the least fortunate of times. Sometimes other people's bikes fall onto mine and bust my petcock (update: gall darn replacement cock done did arrive!) Other bastard mopeds scour the blacktop for thin nails, nary larger than a sewing needle, to protrude through the vulcanized rubber of my tyre, lacerating the air filled tube found beneath and releasing the pressure from within required for optimal traction and stability. Tailights fall off and shatter like the avoidable experience of a human's mouthfull of teeth making impact with concrete at high rate of velocity. Crank shafts become loose from their housed bearings and drift aimlessly like a seagull floating carelessly on the updraft of a sailing vessel, much like that that can be commonly witnessed around this Great Pacific Northwest's Greater Puget Sound area's passenger ferry's. And then there is analogies. And then there is the intermittent running of engines that refuse to behave even when I sternly command them to do so. Even my tactic of fixing them is ending fruitless. I have helped it achieve the holy trifecta of the combustion engine: spark, gas, compression. And it still it and refrains. And still Andy Dufresne can be found taking guests out charter fishing in Zihuatanejo. Well, maybe the spark, despite a new set of points and condensor, is still refusing to behave? Well, maybe. Can you think of an analogy? Like a similar anecdote? Perhaps it's waiting for you there in this big hayfield up near Buxton. Got a long rock wall with a big oak at the north end. Like something out of a Robert Frost poem. In the base of that wall you'll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. A piece of black volcanic glass. You'll find something buried under it I want you to have. You'll just have to pry up that rock and see. Let's hear your clever analogies for THINGS. Perhaps on the subject of Rita Hayworth? Well? What say there Fuzzy Britches?

On top of Snoqualmie Pass

2009-07-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

We went to the mountains bitches!

Take note that Joel is on his fancy pants phone in every picture.

We also went swimming in Beaver Lake, though no beaver's were spotted.

Going swimming again today will be my 3rd! day of swimming in a row. Upper 80's to mid 90's aroud the sweltering great pacific northwest these days. Oof.

DYNO DAZE/BIG HP MOPEDOSAURUS'S'S

2009-07-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

So a few of went down to Aurora Suzuki today for FREE dyno testing, bbq and raffle! Only Naz and I brought our bikes down to find out how much (or little) horsepower we have.

Unfortunately something went wrong in the computational department, or we have the weakest bikes out there. Something about our bikes being too wee and centrifical clutches i dunno. So after we made them shrink the machine Naz was up first, with his 50cc water-cooled beast, and achieved a whopping 1.5HP. I followed and came in at a staggering 2HP! Now, I have this slight feeling that those numbers are not anywhere near accurate.

At least some motorsickle dudes and dorks got a kick out of us. And I got to hear how loud my moped is at many high revolutions per minute! Guess we'll have to find another dyno that can comprehend our miniature machines, or build our own .

ALSO Matt Smith Matt Smith actually won EVERYTHING at the raffle and I got sunburnt for being sleeveless in Seattle.

2009-07-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

kaleidoscope

Blüe Things #1

2009-07-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

Speaking of Blue Öyster Cult DID YOU KNOW?

that they still tour! It's a fact!

Which has nothing to do with Sir Ians barely spoken about BLUED UP masterpiece: